Linda B. Munn - Author


Hear Me Roar


I am floating peacefully in the amniotic fluids of my home.  I am a female fetus connected by its umbilical cord to its mother.

Everything my mother does affects me in some way.  Either in waves moving in my sac or as indigestion within my own body.  The pressure of stress that she feels reflects itself in my world by an increase of density in the amniotic fluids around me.

I have been here four months.  Conscious thought and feeling has been with me for only one and a half months.  The warm, moist, climate has a sense of security to it.

There are only two things that disrupt the warm, secure feelings I have.  The first one is the worst one for me.  It's our monthly visit to the doctor's.  I really don't mind the pushing and pressing that he does, but the waves that he creates leave me sick to my stomach.  The worst part is when he slides that cold "spreader" into the passageway that will be used for my entrance into the world.  Not only do I tense up, but so does my mother.  It truly does scare me every time the passageway is opened and a light enters to give my dark world a murky, gray look.  I am not ready to leave this safe haven.  I always feel that I might drop through and land at the doctor's feet.  Even though I shrink in upon myself, I cannot shake the feeling.

The doctor always seems to take his time too, which doesn't help to ease my fears.  Mother, on the other hand, is always tense as the "spreader" moves inside her.  Once it is established and warming up, she soon relaxes.  Her bladder soon feels as though it will overflow slowly after the "spreader" is in place.  The feeling of having to "pee" persists long after the "spreader" is extracted.

Long after the monthly exam is over, and Mother has gone to the bathroom, I am still shrunk into myself.  I'm afraid to relax for fear of falling out.  Mother seems to sense my fear, for every now and then she rubs her tummy with circular motions.  Those circular motions create a primal motion to the amniotic fluids which is restful.  Within a short time I find myself relaxing.

The second disruptive thing happens more frequently, but is a nicer feeling that the doctor's visit.  Throughout the week, when Mother has gone to bed and we both are relaxed for a change, Father makes his own exam.  His "spreader" is different than the doctor's.  His is warm and had a different shape.  Plus he never "spreads" the passageway as far apart as the doctor does.  His prodding and poking comes with his "spreader" and not once do I feel as though I am going to fall out.  Even though I curl up as tight as I can, Father never gives me the feeling of insecurity.  Maybe its because no light get in while Father does his exam.  The funny part about Father's exam is that I feel he's pushing ne back in, so that I won't fall out.  That's expecially reassuring after the doctor's exam.   Father, also, releases a sticky fluid inside Mother that I don't see any benefit to.

The nerve-wracking part of Father's exam is that usually Mother gets real tense.  Just before her tenseness leaves, Mother goes into contractions!  Boy, is that scary!  Fortunately, none of them has been strong enough to force me out of my warm home.  I can't help but worry about them though.

Once Father's done with his exam Mother makes a trip to the bathroom to pee and let Father's fluids run out.  But once she's back in bed, both she and I are so totally relaxed we fall asleep instantly.  Lots of times she and Father cuddle close.  I can tell because the fluids of my home get much warmer, which also helps me fall asleep and brings a stronger sense of security.

The only time I get upset with Mother is when she eats food and drink's drinks that don't agree with me.  Sauerkraut, salad dressings, and anything with tomatoes in it give me heartburn and I GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO HER.  Dark colas, beer, and whiskey do the same thing to me.  I wish she would eat more watermelon, bananas, popsicles and drink more root beer.  I wouldn't conplain about that!

Time passes while I lay suspended in the fluid of my home.  I grow, I ponder the heavy questionf of heredity, genes, viruses, and evolution.

As I grow I begin to become more aware of my surroundings.  They're getting smaller.  Now when we go for the exam by the doctor, I no longer worry about falling out.  Now, as when Father does his exams, I stretch and try to push their "spreaders" out.

I do a lot of stretching now-a-days.  I get cramps in my legs and arms and the only way to relieve them is to stretch.  Sometimes I have to do a lot before the cramp leaves.  Mother tells Father that I'm trying to kick my way out.

I like to do most of my stretching after Mother has gone to bed.  I usually wait until she's gotten into a comfortable position and has settled down.  The reason for this is because she's usually laying on one of my feet or arms.  I want to be as comfortable as she is, so I kick and shove until I'm comfortable too.

I get tired of Mother letting people feel me "kick".  Most of the time they have cold hands, so I quit kicking.  The most fun I have stretching is when Mother snuggles up against Father, I love kicking him, he gets perturbed and moves just out of my reach.  Good old Mother, though, snuggles closer.

My time is getting close.  We are now visiting the doctor every week.  I really got a scare last week.  Mother was running the vacuum cleaner when suddenly the bottom seemed to fall out of my world.  I screamed, wordlessly, as the drop commenced.  Miraculously, something happened to stop my fall. My head is stuck in the top of the passageway! 

Mother complains about lower backaches all the time now.  She should have her head stuck as mine is!  I'm getting a headache!

I was STUCK for two weeks!  The doctor kept assuring Mother that any day now I could be born.  I was willing to do anything to get unstuck!

Finally, I was tired of being in this ridiculous spot.  I started pushing, shoving, and kicking.  Mother woke Father u, since it was late at night, to tell him she thought it was TIME.

Father got up and got dressed.  Mother slowly got out of bed.  As soon as she was standing erect  I slid further into the passageway.  Rats!  I was more stuck than ever!  I gave another kick which caused the fluid around me to go rushing pass me and out the passageway.  Now the passageway was slippery and I was slowly moving down it.  Mother was holding me in place with her hands against my head and yelling at Father to hurry.

When we arrived at the emergency room entrance Mother was really a nervous wreak.  She was cranky and irritable.  The nurse kept telling her not to push.

"I'm NOT pushing!"  She shouted back.  SHE wasn't pushing.  I WAS.  Get me out of here!"

Finally!  At long last someone told Mother she could push.  Mother pushed and I pushed.  With both of us pushing I was thrust out into the harsh, cold, world.

It was bright!  I was getting cold!  I felt sticky and slimy!  I opened my mouth to scream.  A sound came out.  It hurt my ears.  Wah-h-h!  Pierced my conscious thought.

I was then wrapped in something warm and placed on something hard.  Why is this happening to me?   I waved my hands and feet in anger.  I screamed in anger.

I felt gentle touches of something moving over me.  I was beginning not to feel sticky and slimy.

A white giant was peering down at me.  It placed something in my eyes.  I closed my eyes.  I realized I was tired.  I fell asleep.  

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